He shows up. He smiles. He says “Heyyyyyyy!”

It took me forever to figure out who President Obama reminded me of. Yes, he’s rather Nixonian when he whines and lashes out at anyone who says anything negative about him during recess.

And there’s the Carter-esque penchant for being on the wrong side of, well, everything.

We can parse the president’s various talents and habits and find comparisons to several political figures past and present but when you look at the total package you realize that he’s none other than the Fonz come to life.

Barack Obama is the popular kid that everyone wants to be around. Why? He’s cool. That’s how he got elected by giving campaign speeches that were about as substantive as a cotton candy and water diet and a résumé that was even emptier.

Many of us out here in Unhinged Bitter-Clinger Land have been making the point all along that this is just a cult of personality run amok.

We were accused of rooting against America because we laughed after President Obama’s ego trip to land the Olympics failed. All we were doing was mocking the drooling hordes who were shocked that the Olympic committee was immune to the charm in which they’ve invested all their hopes for the future.

After all, he showed up. He smiled. He said “Heyyyyy!” That’s the formula people, get on freakin’ board already!

A year later and I’m not sure about what we’ve learned from this (‘Cause you can’t hear it enough!) historic presidency.

The post-racial tone has manifested itself in a small army of fat, white presidential surrogates accusing any and all detractors of racism. So that’s worked out real well.

The most thoughtful, intelligent president in the history of EVER has put in place a staff vetting process that seems to consist of little more than requiring that people be able to spell their own names. Should a babbling truther commie like Van Jones show up on the payroll any network that notices will be branded “not news” while the ones who continue to hump the president’s leg will be referred to as “journalists”.

The president who was supposed to “heal” so much has a very counterintuitive approach. He seems to want to bring people together by negatively labeling, dividing and excoriating.

But, you know, “Heyyyyyy!”

The cult of personality factor played a big part in the elections this week. People showed up and went crazy whenever President Fonzie came out to pimp a candidate but yawned and stayed home when the cool guy wasn’t on the ballot. The coattails that were supposed to extend throughout the next thousand or so years don’t seem to be very long. I mean, who the hell ever went out of their way to hang out with Richie, Potsie and Ralph if Fonz wasn’t there?

This allegedly brilliant president is going to have to realize that he needs to do more than just show up if he wants to be the transcendent figure his 24/7 chorus of sycophants keep telling him he his. Thus far, his answer to everything has been to fire up the cameras and give a speech. It worked so well during the campaign, after all. A schizophrenic greenhouse manager doesn’t talk to as many plants in a week as President Obama does. To paraphrase the old philosophical question: “If Barack Obama fell down in the woods and no one was around, would he ever stop making a sound?”

It’s highly unlikely that the president’s oft-rumored intellect will be able to introduce some pragmatism into this narcissistic political play. He has, after all, spent his entire political career being propelled by nothing more than the adoring lips on his ass. That may have sufficed for a senate gig at the state and national levels but he’s at the Big People’s table now.

We’re going to need more than a grown man trying to milk the high school popularity long past the point when anyone finds it interesting.

“Heyyyyy!”