The Kardashian girls can’t find ways to spend money as quickly as Team Lightbringer.

Reporting from Copenhagen – Attempting to revive climate negotiations that appear dangerously close to flat-lining, the Obama administration announced today that it would join allies in raising $100 billion by 2020 to help the world’s poorest countries adapt to climate change.

Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said in a press conference here that the unspecified American share of the money would come from public and private sources, would fund measures such as protecting carbon-heavy forests from logging and would be contingent upon nations reaching a broad agreement here that would lay the groundwork for a new treaty to combat global warming.

History tells us that “unspecified American share of the money” is international accord code for “Europe will kick in thirty seven cents and we’ll guilt the f-ing Americans into picking up the rest.”

Sure, after hearing the word “trillion” attached to everything President Obama says, talk of a portion of a hundred billion probably doesn’t even phase most Americans at this point.

This administration’s overriding desire seems to be to make sure that the United States is stretched to its financial breaking point both at home and abroad. God is going to have to start paying taxes if we’re ever going to conceivably cover the obligations.

Echoing the most insistent American demand throughout the talks, she said that agreement must make clear that developing nations such as China and India will limit their greenhouse gas emissions as their economies grow, and that those limits must be subject to some form of outside verification.

There’s a small, rhetorical victory, at least. Prior to this, the central feature of most international climate talks was that China and India would be able grow their economies amidst a carbon-spewing frenzy while the U.S. endured restrictions that shrunk its economy to Third World status.

What we’ve learned from other attempts at outside verification in the international community is…oh wait…we obviously haven’t learned anything.

Imagine the backroom dealing when American inspectors show up in China to verify compliance and Chinese officials remind them that Warren Buffett is the only thing in America they don’t hold first lien rights to. You’ll be able to hear the blind eyes turning from across the ocean.

It is, of course, classic Obama that the final breakthrough to any situation isn’t even conceivable until he promises to spend money on it. If you are confident that the majority of any funds the U.S. commits are actually going to come from private sources I admire your savant-like ability to read this while disconnecting your brain from the rest of reality.

Somebody needs to explain to the president what “broke” means.

And quickly.